’Twas the Drunk Before Christmas

Good evening and welcome to a very special Craft Beer Republic holiday episode tonight. We'll be doing something a little different, so find a cozy spot, pour yourself something festive and settle in for a Christmas story. Twas the night before Christmas. And all through the shed.

Not a creature was stirring. Except Flex's mom and Greg's bed. The pint glasses clinked with a holiday cheer while Santa whispered to himself, Man, I need more beer. The stockings were hung by the tap list with flair. Each one was embroidered. Hi, Vanessa. Up there and flex with his Lingus was knee deep in snow while I sat in So-cal. Flip flops on toe.

When out in the driveway, there rose such a sound. Flex dropped his spotted cow and spun right around through the window. He peeked. And what did he see? Santa's sleigh parked crooked. Ran right into a tree. The moon on the snow made it sparkle and shine. Kinda like Shannon after her third glass of wine. And right by Santa's sleigh was the big homie Chu. Yo, what up homies? Hanging with big Dick. Nick.

Smelling suspiciously like brew. With a belly so round and a can in each hand. He stumbled and shouted. This haze is just bland. More rapid than beer nerds at a brewery's door, he called out to his reindeer, who'd clearly had more. Now Pilsner. Now Porter. Now stout and IPA. On Cézanne. On lager on Kolsch. Don't delay. From the top of the porch to the beer fridge, we go.

But skip anything from Florida. Because we all know. He was dressed all in flannel, from his hat to his shoes, and he smelled like a taproom floor. After last calls booze. His sack overflowed with fine local craft, and they peaked just inside to share in the draft. He pounded his brewski. This beer's all right, then nodded at Fleck's. Are you chugging tonight?

And laying his finger on the side of his nose. He downed his stout faster than anyone knows. I've had a bit too much eggnog. He stumbled inside with a clank and a cheer, yelling, hey, intern Brian, go fetch me a beer. Eric and Deb were both sipping their snog while Steph drank everything. She's quite the beer hog. Coley looked bougie with prosecco so grand while Mel shouted Salut! Calzone in hand.

Scott just shrugged and said, well, if it's booze, I'm in. And Dan raised the glass foam, clinging to his chin. He spoke not a word as he reached for a bottle and drank it down fast, like he'd opened the throttle. His cheeks were like cherries, his eyes glazed in red and smashed a beer bottle right upside his head as the big man got ready to take off and take flight. Flex was still glowing thanks to Greg's mom last night.

He gave them a nod with a grin. Oh so new, and whispered, I'm still thirsty. Give me more brew. They heard him exclaim as he finished his beer. I'm feeling buzzy, boys. Drunkness is near. He sprang to his sleigh, to his team, gave a shout, and they took off like Zach after running out of stout, but they saw him turn back as he took to the air. Thanks for drinking. Thanks for joining.

With holiday flair as he vanished away under moonlight. So bright he called. Stay hydrated. To all and to all a good night. We hope you all have a great and hydrated holiday season from all of us at the Craft Beer Republic. Thanks for drinking.

Thanks for joining. We hope you're, as always, very well hydrated. And Merry Christmas to all and to all. A good night, everybody.